when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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