I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
