is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
