She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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