I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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