That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
