You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
