we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
17 year olds will be the death of me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
