Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
