i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
