Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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