Me too!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize