i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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