i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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