thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
