lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
