lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
