What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize