I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
