did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
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