He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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