K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
