sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
