We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
