He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
