Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
