Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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