You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
