I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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