508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
