so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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