I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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