we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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