I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
