even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
