how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
