if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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