your parents love me but you hate me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
