Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
