Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
