i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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