Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
