i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
