Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
