sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
