they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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