i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
