If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
be right there i have to get my cape
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
