What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
