How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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