is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
