Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
