I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Small penises have feelings too.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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