my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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