Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
