I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
