my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
