And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
