I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
