Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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