I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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