You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
