he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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