why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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