you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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