some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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