i just had sex bonerless
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i think my cat just said my name.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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