I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
