So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And then my night got REAL pukey
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
