Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
