I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize