i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
