i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
