:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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