I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
