his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
