I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think my moral compass just broke
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
