I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
