He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
