i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
