Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
